The Triflin' Truth

All my single fellas! (All my single fellas)

Listen up good.

Triflin', lyin' bitches. No se por donde comenzar.

Ladies...

You listen up too.


Here it is. Ever since I was about 14/15, I started attracting triflin', no-good girls. I think my skin produces some kind of trife juice which only triflettes can smell. And then they come running.

(And yes, trife is one of my favorite words.)


So, if my trife-juice skin theory isn't true, it must be something else. My grandmother always said that if the same thing keeps happening to you over and over, la culpa is probably yours. I have taken this into consideration, and I think it does apply in this situation. Yes, it's my fault that I can't keep a girl around for too long.

As amazing as the single life is (in more ways than one), nothing beats having that one. Most guys will deny this, but everyone knows that there is nothing better than to have someone special always with you, physically and emotionally.

Which brings me to my next point. This is where the trife-ness, lying, and bitchiness comes in. Guys are the ones who lie, cheat, and play. Lies! Guys are the ones who creep and sneak. Fairy tales! Guys are the only ones who play mind games with girls. Disney Classics!

The triflin' truth is that the both guys and girls lie, cheat, and play games. Girls just do it better.

La Excepcion: I don't ONLY attract trifeys. Vanessa, when it comes to love, you were my first and might damn well be my last. I still love you...

TRIFEY VS. WIFEY

The guys need to know how to tell the diffrence. So, I'm gonna give you my version of Trifey 101.

How To Spot a Trifey:

1. Every sentence starts with "I", or "Me" if your girl is Jamaican.
2. Her eyes lure and trick.
3. Her kiss is like sweet poison.
4. Takes her cool time deciding who she really wants.
5. Covers up her emotions. Conceals her pain.
6. Says she's "never trippin'"
   

Word to the wise: Real, genuine people trip sometimes.

Wifey Material:

1. It's not about you or me. It's about us.
2. Honesty lies within her eyes.
3. Her affection is like una mesa llena de arroz con habichuelas negras con maduros y tostones y bistec encebollado. Or you're not Dominican.
4. Knows who she wants.
5. Deals with her emotions. Lets you ease the pain.
6. Trips sometimes, because she wants you and only you.

Step up, ladies. I'm done with trifeys; it's time for Wifey. lolz.

So I'm done with all the [semi-] deep ish, and I want to finish this post with some words of wisdom from some of my best friends.

First, Arielle Cireseanu said,

"Hoes, man."

You're right, panita. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Finally, last-but-damn-sure-not-least, one of my favorite Asians, Alisa Doctor:

"Bitches are retarded."

...yes Alisa, yes they are.

Nico El Freako--I know, I'm so deep.