Every day I go to the Standford "Charty's" Dining Hall for lunch and dinner. I always have at least one stir-fry a day, sometimes two if the other food sucks. Let me show you what I'm working with here.
ME: Oh yes, another magical meal at the dining paradise that is Chartwell's. Stir-fry? Nah, had that for lunch. Origins? Hmm...
Menu:
ORIGINS:
Ropa Vieja
Arroz con Frijoles
Tostones
Origins!
I proceed to stand my hungry ass in line for a good 10 minutes before I finally reach the area where they serve the "authentic ethnic food options", hold my tray out eagerly, and then...
WHAT THE FUCK!?
Why do my tostones look like they lost a fight with the tostonera? Like really? I don't have time for this.
*Sighs; sits down*
I finish the rest of my meal before I get to the platanos. Reluctantly, I take a hesitant bite of the one...
I should let everyone know that I have this kind of gag-like reflex that doesn't allow me to keep nasty food in my mouth.
BLAH, *spits*. Diosito mio, they taste just as bad as they look.
Goodness, I haven't had plantains this bad since...Haiti.
EEEE JUST JOKIN' :-D
I have nothing against Haitians, don't get your titties all twisted up in a bunch. Some of my best friends live next door to Haitian people.
I JOKE, I JOKE...
The truth is that I really do love all of my Haitian friends! Even if we do prepare food better than you.
I digress...
La situacion de lo' platano' que `tan como la mierda...GOT-TA GO. Seriously. Anyways, please get a new tostonera, add some salt to the frying pan, dip those shits in the mojo sauce, and sprinkle some MUTHA-FUCKIN' cheese!
If it's one thing I have to say to whoever is cooking this junk, it's this:
If there is any justice in this world at all, a rotten banana will come back to life and MAKE YOU FLAVORLESS!!
Fuck the bullshit, Charty's.
Nico El Freakitito
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this was perfect
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