The Triflin' Truth

All my single fellas! (All my single fellas)

Listen up good.

Triflin', lyin' bitches. No se por donde comenzar.

Ladies...

You listen up too.


Here it is. Ever since I was about 14/15, I started attracting triflin', no-good girls. I think my skin produces some kind of trife juice which only triflettes can smell. And then they come running.

(And yes, trife is one of my favorite words.)


So, if my trife-juice skin theory isn't true, it must be something else. My grandmother always said that if the same thing keeps happening to you over and over, la culpa is probably yours. I have taken this into consideration, and I think it does apply in this situation. Yes, it's my fault that I can't keep a girl around for too long.

As amazing as the single life is (in more ways than one), nothing beats having that one. Most guys will deny this, but everyone knows that there is nothing better than to have someone special always with you, physically and emotionally.

Which brings me to my next point. This is where the trife-ness, lying, and bitchiness comes in. Guys are the ones who lie, cheat, and play. Lies! Guys are the ones who creep and sneak. Fairy tales! Guys are the only ones who play mind games with girls. Disney Classics!

The triflin' truth is that the both guys and girls lie, cheat, and play games. Girls just do it better.

La Excepcion: I don't ONLY attract trifeys. Vanessa, when it comes to love, you were my first and might damn well be my last. I still love you...

TRIFEY VS. WIFEY

The guys need to know how to tell the diffrence. So, I'm gonna give you my version of Trifey 101.

How To Spot a Trifey:

1. Every sentence starts with "I", or "Me" if your girl is Jamaican.
2. Her eyes lure and trick.
3. Her kiss is like sweet poison.
4. Takes her cool time deciding who she really wants.
5. Covers up her emotions. Conceals her pain.
6. Says she's "never trippin'"
   

Word to the wise: Real, genuine people trip sometimes.

Wifey Material:

1. It's not about you or me. It's about us.
2. Honesty lies within her eyes.
3. Her affection is like una mesa llena de arroz con habichuelas negras con maduros y tostones y bistec encebollado. Or you're not Dominican.
4. Knows who she wants.
5. Deals with her emotions. Lets you ease the pain.
6. Trips sometimes, because she wants you and only you.

Step up, ladies. I'm done with trifeys; it's time for Wifey. lolz.

So I'm done with all the [semi-] deep ish, and I want to finish this post with some words of wisdom from some of my best friends.

First, Arielle Cireseanu said,

"Hoes, man."

You're right, panita. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Finally, last-but-damn-sure-not-least, one of my favorite Asians, Alisa Doctor:

"Bitches are retarded."

...yes Alisa, yes they are.

Nico El Freako--I know, I'm so deep.

This Shit Is Bananas: Chartwell's, Platanos, & You

Every day I go to the Standford "Charty's" Dining Hall for lunch and dinner. I always have at least one stir-fry a day, sometimes two if the other food sucks. Let me show you what I'm working with here.

ME: Oh yes, another magical meal at the dining paradise that is Chartwell's. Stir-fry? Nah, had that for lunch. Origins? Hmm...

Menu:

ORIGINS:
Ropa Vieja
Arroz con Frijoles
Tostones

Origins!

I proceed to stand my hungry ass in line for a good 10 minutes before I finally reach the area where they serve the "authentic ethnic food options", hold my tray out eagerly, and then...



WHAT THE FUCK!?



Why do my tostones look like they lost a fight with the tostonera? Like really? I don't have time for this.

*Sighs; sits down*

I finish the rest of my meal before I get to the platanos. Reluctantly, I take a hesitant bite of the one...


I should let everyone know that I have this kind of gag-like reflex that doesn't allow me to keep nasty food in my mouth.


BLAH, *spits*. Diosito mio, they taste just as bad as they look.


Goodness, I haven't had plantains this bad since...Haiti.



EEEE JUST JOKIN' :-D

I have nothing against Haitians, don't get your titties all twisted up in a bunch. Some of my best friends live next door to Haitian people.



I JOKE, I JOKE...

The truth is that I really do love all of my Haitian friends! Even if we do prepare food better than you.

I digress...


La situacion de lo' platano' que `tan como la mierda...GOT-TA GO. Seriously. Anyways, please get a new tostonera, add some salt to the frying pan, dip those shits in the mojo sauce, and sprinkle some MUTHA-FUCKIN' cheese!

If it's one thing I have to say to whoever is cooking this junk, it's this:

If there is any justice in this world at all, a rotten banana will come back to life and MAKE YOU FLAVORLESS!!


Fuck the bullshit, Charty's.



Nico El Freakitito

Welcome

Bienvenidos a mi blog! `09 is the apparently the year of the blog and you know I HAD to jump my [non-] ass on the bandwagon! While I ponder what important issues I should address first (i.e. Trife, lyin' bitches or UMiami's Chartwell's Dining Hall's dire need to get some better platanos), you all can ponder:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ea4j7K-H3o&feature=channel

DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Beyey5PRLV4&feature=channel

...damn, okay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpnPX5pUvg0

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF DICK HIGH FIVES A BLIND MAN!?!?!

HIJO DE PUTA, DESGRACIADO...conio.

And remember:

"Life's a bitch...and then you [read Nico's] blog."

Be back with more relevance/complete fuckery mas tarde....(you know you like it when I talk spanglish to you.)

ON DECK: Trife, Lyin' Bitches AND The Platano "Situation" in Charty's

...for real.



Nico "El Freako"


Editors Note: Not addressed to anyone specifically (Nathan Lim): Don't come to me with some pussy-ass bullshit about "Why don't you embed the videos?"-type bullshit.

Why don't you take your too-lazy-to-click-on-a-fuckin'-link-ass-ASS to back to Phillipines--How `bout that.

Lazy like shit...